Winters Final Days
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March 1, 2012
Categories: Uncategorized . . Author: The Tao of Pig Pen . Comments: Leave a Comment
A Valentines Card
I must say Happy Valentine’s Day to me. I do not want a gift. I do not want a tie or shirt or anything else. I do not need a card. I get a Valentines gift everyday because I wake up under the same roof as the most amazing woman I could ever know. The world can be raining down fire and brimstone but I know she is in my corner. We are the greatest cliché because we complete each other. I have said before that she is a hurricane and I am a tornado. When she gets mad you can see the storm coming, it hangs around for a long time, leaves a little damage and is gone. When I get mad I explode out of thin air sometimes damaging a lot at once but as quickly as the anger appears it is gone. Almost everything we handle in life we handle differently. Where she is calculated I am freewheeling and where she is freewheeling I am calculated. We know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we put the right player in the game to best handle the situation. I am not above telling someone when I have been sent in by her that they don’t want to deal with my wife. My wife supports me. Some of you will laugh because you know that can be literal and figurative but I am referring to the figurative. It is easier to deal with most any difficult time when you know your spouse has your back.
I did not marry my daughter’s mommy. I married a women that is hot, makes me laugh, and is incredibly intelligent (even if she choose me). After a few years of marriage we decided to try and be parents. It did not work. We struggled, we struggled hard. We cried and loss but we found our way. We never doubted each other and now we have a little girl. Our daughter is the best and worst of both of us. She farts like me if that tells you anything. The women I married was sexy as hell to me but when she became a mommy that made her even sexier to me. She risked her health both physically and mentally to have a kid with me. She took the abuse to her body that a having a baby does to a women in great stride. She took 8 months of bed rest to boot. She choose me to have that adventure with. That is as sexy as it gets when someone will sacrifice all that with you. I have said it before and I will say it again. She is my hero. Hurricane Shan is my hero.
I am a lucky, lucky man. I am a happy, happy man. She may not always see it because she chooses to not believe it but if she saw everything I see when I gaze upon her she would understand. I have a Valentines gift everyday….my wife. What happened to the man that got everything he could want? He lived happily ever after. I am that man. I love you Shannon.
Work and Life and What Counts
The last unemployment rate came in a little over 8%. It is estimated that the number of people on long-term unemployment is around 5.5 million. These are internet stats and I cannot promise how precise they are but they are the common numbers shared when the news talking heads speak. It is very scary. PepsiCo recently announced it was cutting 8500 jobs, Cigna Medical 100, Food Lion 5000, and recently the company I am lucky enough to be employed by is releasing 800 nationwide. I am one of the lucky ones because at least for now I seem to be safe. I watched helplessly as people I know were affected this week by the cut backs. I put myself in their shoes. I thought of the fact that for me it could also just be a matter of time. I looked at my daughter so closely this week and asked myself what would I do? I said to myself I would go bananas if they brought me into one of the conference rooms and told me my number was up. I would snap and give them a piece of my very well spoken and sharp mind. I am also full of crap. I do have a sharp mind though 
!!!
I was so impressed by what I saw this week. I will be honest. When they announced the rough number of people who would be affected in our office I immediately added up the names rumored to be involved in my head and until I was told I was safe (for now) I wondered if I was one of the remaining unaccounted for to get the bad news. It is like when you read the obituaries and you see the age of a recently deceased and you count the number of years difference between your age and the age they were when they passed and you suddenly realize you are getting older and time is oh so very borrowed. When you read the statistics above, read the news of all these huge businesses letting people go, and your own employer has the same thing occurring in your halls it shakes you to the core. Bad enough to lose a job but it is worse when there are so few out their to apply for.
I mentioned I was impressed and I truly was. Each of the folks affected are so strong. They are not running through the halls screaming. They are just moving forward. Playing the hand dealt to them. That to me is amazing and I hope it does not go unnoticed. It says a great deal about a person’s character when they act in such a positive, professional way. When and if my professional time comes I hope I can live up to that standard. The building gets quieter and I lower my head down and prepare to do more and try my best to not think about possibilities of more change. I don’t blame my employer. I don’t blame our president or our government. It just is and all I can do is wake up, kiss my wife, rub my Aussies head, and walk into the room of the my daughter and remember that work and money will never make her love me any more than she already does. She and her mother are my gift. They are my life. I have never let a job define me. I respect my job and I give my all to it. No one will ever say I don’t work hard but it is only a small part of me. I have a job now because of a very fortunate change in the Fall of 2008 in my job title. Small changes have big impact. My job found me, I did not find it. Would I rather be doing something else, probably yes (at heart I am only happy when I help others so public service is in my blood), but that is not my employers fault. My job has always looked after me. It supported me through hard times. What if it rejects me next fiscal year or tomorrow? It will hurt but I will move on and I can only hope I do it as well as the people I have saw this week.
I watched all this drama unfold this week. I have contacts in our mother company and heard how much worse it was there. I thought to myself how horrible and it can’t get worse than that. Friday I am reminded my wife is about to have a surgery. It is not life threatening but it is still surgery. Today a good friend of my wife suffered un unimaginable loss close on the heals of another similar and equally painful loss. It centers you and reminds you that everything that happened earlier in the week means exactly nothing. All that matters you already have. Your family, your friends, and your life.
I have managed a record store, worked at two other record stores, worked concert security, worked at two book stores, I spent a summer laying brick, I spent a summer painting, but for near ten years I worked for the city and for another 14 at my present job. That type of time imprints on you and makes you comfortable so change hurts.
What I learned this week is that I am so very blessed. I have a beautiful wife and daughter I would kill for. I have parents and in-laws that love me. I have a job but if it were gone…….we would figure it out. I watched some fellow employees act in a way that is inspiring this week and at the end of the week a dramatic event reminded me that work is just work. I love you all. Best of luck to my friends and my heart breaks for Shan’s friend. To my job….I will fight for you until you tell me to stop.
And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
- Allan K. Chalmers
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed-door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell
I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights. – George Carlin
“You don’t get to be old bein’ no fool…..”
Chapters and Verse
We have all heard the phrase, “My life passed before my eyes”. How many of us take an inventory on our life before fate forces the action? If life is a series of moments then that series of moments creates chapters of our life and it’s experiences. I am 42 and I can can remember entire chapters of my life that are totally foreign to me today. It starts with childhood and it’s innocence. I can remember going to the Moose Lodge with my dad and getting so excited watching him shoot pool for his lodge. Those pool tournaments were as big as football weekends to an adult football fan. I would cry sometimes when he lost (which was not often) because I was so invested in watching him in competition. I did not care, nor did many others at the time, that we were driven around town without a seatbelt and sometimes my Dad would be drinking behind the wheel. It was important by the fact that we know better now but as a child you did not think of it. I don’t drink and will likely never do so in front of my daughter. Childhood is the part of life where we are carefree and live with very little consequence to our actions. Friends are plenty and time means little. As teenagers we begin to get some responsibility. We are preparing the starship of our minds and hearts for the big blast off into adulthood. We know it all and no one can convince us otherwise. The truth is that our teen selves know only slightly more than shit. For me it was a huge transition. The way my parents treated each other took a huge turn when I was a teenager. My mother left my father (with good reason) when I was a late teen. My father changed somewhat for the better when he realized she would leave. I had my first girlfriend and job and would not go with her. How different would my life had been had I left? My early childhood and teen years seem so far away.
In college I did it all. I drank, I had sex, I went to concerts, I worked three jobs, had an apartment, and went to school all at the same time. I never remember being tired. I was invincible. I was preparing to be a police officer. I took trips at the drop of a hat and was obligated to no one. I was not a very good boyfriend to the girls I dated. I treated them well but I would leave the relationship on a whim. I did not want to hurt anyone but I wanted to be free when I wanted to be free. Some of my greatest loves were then. I broke a couple of hearts but for every heart I broke mine was broken three times as often. I deserved it all too. I never, ever cheated. When I loved I loved all in, too hard. That pushed some people away. Sometimes I loved so hard and fast that I would suddenly realize I did not understand the true meaning of the emotion. They were good years and yet another chapter that seems like a millenia ago.
I became a cop. I had a gun. I had authority. I was the baddest son of a bitch to wear a badge (in my mind). I saw great things, horrible things, and unimaginable things. There is no relationship as strong or amazing as the relationship between officers and their families (other than marriage). You always know your back is covered as a cop. A fellow officers child passed away and it was weeks before he and his family had their house to themself. To this day I would help out my fellow officers from that time. It is instinctual and undeniable that bond. In my work today (like most places) your fellow employees could give a fat babies toe about you when you leave the office. I had my first marriage during this time. It was a nightmare of a time. I would wake up with my gun to my head and in the hands of my 120 pound wife. I left that job and that marriage. Those chapters seem like another life all together. I don’t remember that person. I don’t remember my mindset. It is very alien.
I began a new career and it was supposed to be temporary. 13 years later and I am still there. I hated the job. Tried to leave a handful of times. I hated the job but the job always took care of me. I slowly learned a lot in a short period of time. I held positions some would wait a whole career for and not get. The job I hated became my joy, it took care of me. It delivered me the love of my life, my wife. My wife delivered me the miracle I affectionately call the Monster. Were it not for all the earlier chapters, good and bad, I would not have the amazing life I have. I would change my life for nothing.
Someone asked me today why I always try to find the silver lining in a shit storms clouds and the answer is simple. Life is a gift and no matter how off the rails life can be it will be what you make of it. I get frustrated, I get sad too but I always find myself thinking of the earlier chapters of my life. I remember how low I have been and I remember how incredibly rich I am with my family and friends. I will suffer no fools no matter who you are for long. You can bruise me but you cannot destroy me because I will not allow it.
There are simple truths in life. If you have to tell people how hard you work you probably don’t work too hard. If you dwell on the bad and always dwell on the bad you will not enjoy the wind in your hair and life may pass you by. If your life flashes before your eyes what will you see? You will see good, bad, and ultimately what makes you who you are. You may be surprised at the things you have lived through. You may be surprised to remember how strong you are. You are likely far more amazing than you know. Enjoy the good moments and use your experiences to deal with the bad. It is your life and people can get on the ride or get off the ride but never forget you are doing the driving. You control more than you realize in your life. Live, love, and enjoy. It’s your story so make it a blockbuster. I already love you and I may not even know you.
To Spank Or Not Spank That Is the Question
My child is three. She is sometimes a terrible three. I have had the typical day most parents have. Not enough time, not enough patience, and not enough sleep and then along comes the unrelenting three-year old terrorist. They ask a million questions, talk over you, cause you to ask people to repeat themself a dozen times over the phone. Then you try to engage the three-year old and she pouts, shouts, and hits. This is where the battle of wits begins. There are many options to redirect the behavior. Some people use guilt, consequences (toys), time outs, and spanking. Different strokes for different folks.
I will be the first person to say that I am very strongly against spanking. I do not judge those that spank but I certainly question it. I recently read an article in Parenting Magazine that says several studies show spanking to be less than 50 % effective. Many children that are spanked become spankers. To me the trouble with spanking is that is can be too easy to not know when you have gone too far. You swat a child once and it is effective and the next thing you know you have to spank them harder or more often the next time because it is becoming less effective. This does not apply to all spankers but it certainly applies to some. I also think spanking is a cheap way out. It is a straight line or quick solution but at what cost? Even if the odds are slim that a spanker takes it to far or the spanked childs behavior worsens is it worth the risk at all? Something else to consider is that in American society it is never ever acceptable to strike a person. In some states striking a family member will cost you your right to bear arms but you can hit a stranger and still pack a 38 (that is another argument for another day). If this is the social law or norm then how could it ever be acceptable to spank? This father says it is not. You really hold no ground if your child is quick to start physical altercations in school or adult life if your answer to that hard day where the child would not shut up was to spank them.
I have thought about it. There have been moments where a swat on the butt crossed my mind but I will never act upon the thought. The risk is not worth the reward and beside that how do you look a child in the face and hit them. If you are a smart ass who says you turn them away when you spank them then how do you look at them afterwards. It only hurts you more than it hurts them because you had a weak moment where you could not figure out a way to make the child act better. It is human. I am a young parent and all I can do is my best, along with my wife but it will never involve the most passive form of violence.
There are many websites on the internet that lend advice on dealing with bad behaviors. You can also contact your childs doctor for advice. Please reconsider the quick solution.
New Year and New Ambitions
As my friend Chrissy says, “This is going to be great!!!”. That is how I feel about 2012. Do I feel all warm and gishy about the New Year because I get to watch my daughter grow up more yes but that is not what this write will be about. This will be a detailed essay on the things I want to avoid this year and maybe accomplish. The first thing I want to do is join the Occupy Justin Bieber living room movement. I think it is time I recognize Justin for the amazing groundbreaking artist he is and wear my wifes pink Crocs and my best daisy dukes as I smoke a bowl full of Hostess Twinkies in his man cave. That just sounds so wron….right!!!
I think 2012 will be the year I facilitate a flash mob doing the Electric Slide at the White Houses annual Easter Egg Roll. We would all dress up like Ron Paul wearing a Queer Nation flag. I don’t know who would be more confused the FBI or Ron Paul.
There are some things I will try to give up in 2012 though. I will try to stop staring neighbors boobs. They are fantastically large, pendulous, and perky. They look great in the summer heaving out of my neighbors sweaty shirt but the truth is I should show him more respect when he is mowing the lawn. He probably is not aware what his man boobs are doing to me.
I may need to give up drunk Face Booking. I get all juiced up on Banana flavored Mad Dog and the next thing you know I have friended Charlie Sheen and I am attending all night Tiger Blood parties and boinking porn stars. Not good-looking porn stars either but the one that make a home video in their trailer with Ernest Borgnine so they suddenly believe they have a career in films. You Tube is to a movie career what Word Press is the being an established author…wait a minute I resemble that remark.
There are some things I need to get better at in 2012. I need to up my nude ping pong game before the 2014 Olympics. I need to build a spaceship. I need to stop farting in morse code while attending weddings it’s only funny to the groomsmen and my daughter. I need to stop picking my but in public. I need to stop hiding behind the water cooler in the office creating plans to create the perfect Pop Tart. I need to stop dyeing my nasal hair. I need to shave my pet monkey because who doesn’t love a naked monkey. I need to stop snorting Clabber Girl Baking Powder. I need to give more to my favorite charity Bobs Home For Battered Shrimp and Cream Corn. I need to get better playing the nose flute. Last but not least I need to practice doing my Teebow…Peace Out!!!
