She’s A Hurricane, I’m a Tornado
My wife and I were talking about our daughter, Stink, and her bad temper. My wife loves to blame or is it lie or maybe tell it like it is? Okay for the purpose of shortening the blog she said Stink got her temper from me. I laughed because she seemed to forget that she has a temper as well. My temper can be compared to a tornado. One minute I am eating a pork chop and jelly sandwich watching Dirty Jobs in my Sponge Bob Square Pants Speedos while prank calling Abe Vigoda and the next second I…..Did I mention that I love Dirty Jobs but I started watching it purely by accident. It was late one night and I was perusing the viewing guide on the TV when I came across this enticing show titled “Dirty Jobs”. My wife was sleeping and I thought to myself maybe Dirty Jobs is about dirty jobs (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). I had visions of watching a show about this guy works for Playboy and he has to approve all the thought provoking photography before it hits the magazine. On Tuesdays, the models have to give him neck massages while serving him crackers dipped in potted meat. I switch the channel over to Dirty Jobs and find out that it is about jobs in which you may find dirt. I love that show. I even love Mike Rowe’s car commercials. So anyway now that the subject of potted meat has been brought up I have a question. Who in the wide world of full contact nude curling came up with that idea? Meat smushed to the point that it can be spread on a cracker. What kind of animal is potted meat and how mad is God at them that She gave us the idea to make them into potted meat. The marriage has gone south when your wife says , “Honey, no pork chop and jelly sandwich tonight. We are having potted meat and three day old guacamole dip.” ….the next second I explode like a tornado. I get real mad real fast and hop around like Donald Duck and just like a tornado I calm down almost as quickly. Mad one second and laughing the next with a mouthful of pork chops, bread, and jelly.
My wife’s temper on the other hand comes on like a hurricane. Hurricanes have warnings and when they hit your town they hang around for hours unlike a tornado which is more of a hit and run in nature. So it happens a little bit like this. I am sitting in the guest room eating raspberry flavored gummy lobsters, listening to Mel Brooks sing his hit single you never heard called “My Idea of Fun is Watching Midget Pole Vaulting”, and scratching my kneepits. I hear things getting set down loudly and hard. This is known as a Hurricane Warning. Have you ever wondered why they named a hurricane Peppy. Maybe no one would take Peppy serious. Maybe name them after serial killers or possibly American Idol contestants. If hurricane Manson or Hurricane Aiken was coming then you can guarantee folks will listen to the warnings and leave. Another gummy lobster consumed and the “Hurricane Watch” has begun. My wife starts to say things out loud and when you ask her what she says she sharply says nothing. She may say something like,” Strawberry Shortcake is a bitch”. This is where it gets entertaining unless she is mad at you. This will go on sometimes for the entire day, much like a hurricane. So She is a hurricane, I am a tornado. Our daughter? Officially she is perfect, for now. As for my wife and I, it is our differences that make us so strong as a couple. I just hope a hurricane and tornado never hit town at the same time. Did I mention I have ADD?
Love you mean it.