Myth Busted: “It’s a her problem”
It’s so easy to become pregnant. Becoming pregnant is what we all are told to avoid as teenagers because simply said if your penis gets in the same state as a vagina you will be a teen mom. Pregnancy is as easy to catch as a common cold and if a teenager gets pregnant the teen girl is the problem. This is a common concept. All the way back to Eve eating the apple it was her fault. The same is often thought of when couples face the infertility hurdle. My wife crushed my heart one day, while we were working with infertility clinics, when she told me she would not blame me for leaving her for a woman who could have a child for “ME”!!! She thought it was a her problem and her love for me and wish to make me happy outweighed her personal long-term happiness. The truth is that we both contributed to our infertility problems.
Even if the medical reason that a couple of cannot have a child is falls in the lap of a woman it is not her problem alone. A relationship is a lifelong commitment and it takes two to work. If the medical reason is on the woman’s side this is the chance for the man to remind his wife or girlfriend why she choose him. Think of the sanctity of having a child. If a woman loves and trusts you so much that not only is she willing to love you alone, sleep in a bed with you, and laugh at your corny jokes she is also willing raise a child with you then you have a load of responsibility to answer for. If you accept this trust and responsibility but cannot repay it when a woman does not feel like a “complete woman” by supporting her then you do not deserve any woman and you surely do not deserve to be a parent. The first thing that must go out the window when faced with infertility issues is the ego. If the ego can be put aside by both the woman and the man then it makes the challenge easier to deal with. I ask any man this question: When you married your wife did you marry her for her reproductive ability? You likely married her because she made you feel like the man who you always wished you were. You found her smart, intellectually stimulating, and of course attractive. I have never once heard a man say I am marrying her because she is a baby factory. Infertility is not a “she” problem it is a “we” problem.
Our problem was shared medically and we got through it together. My wife showed me what a woman is made of. She never gave up. She organized her busy career as a pharmacist around shots and appointments. She endured losing pregnancies, questioning her womanhood, being told it was all God’s plan (REALLY?), and many other things. She never wavered on her dream. Her tears only hardened her and made her more tenacious. She was and is my hero. We have a baby now. If we had not had a child I would still feel the same. There is no myth to be busted here. Infertility is no ones problem. Infertility is simply one of life’s hurdles. It does not define you nor should it destroy you. Hurdles are meant to be jumped. If you trip and hit the ground dust yourself off and try again. If you do not get over the infertility hurdle you are no less a person. I had given up because I could not watch my wife hurt anymore. I love her too much for that. She choose to take us on one last trip on the infertility rollercoaster and thank God she did. I can say I loved my wife just as much if not more even after I gave up on the baby mission. Love will see you through and love is a “we” issue.
My wife and daughter inspired me. I wrote a book on our journey. If you are interested it is titled the “Longest Love Letter”. It is available as an EBOOK from Barnes and Noble and Amazon. I am more than happy to answer any questions or lend emotional support through my WordPress Blog “Tao of Pig Pen” or “The Longest Love Letter” @ Facebook. Best of luck and never stop loving one another.
For more information on infertility support please go to this site: