Would You Crap In a Bag to Save a Buck?



misc. medical screw

doctor pon


My wife had to pay a little over $200 to have a mole removed from her arm. We just received a bill from our pediatrician for over $200 so they could attempt to remove a splinter from her foot. Does pulling a splinter out of a foot really equate to a “medical procedure” where the charge for gauze can be multiplied by a few hundred dollars. I am not so sure I will ever understand insurance or what a hospital charges for service. I do however like the Vet. In the world of human medicine there is a doctor somewhere who specializes only on the good health of left nipples. Do not bother this doctor with right nipple issues because he versed only  in the physiology of the little left nippy. A vet, however, does it all. The vet will treat your pet cat or armadillo. The vet does not care. The vet is like the handyman of the medical world. The vet will try to fix anything. My vet gave my dogs a manicure and pedicure this morning. If you went to a human doctor the mani-pedi is an extra $1000 per toe assuming you can find a doctor that is a specialist in every toe. Some vets provide hair salon service. Human doctors only know how to shave your head for an additional $2,200. Vets are much cheaper even if they only take your temperature rectally but I can get use to that. A vet checks your teeth while a human doctor that can do open heart surgery is baffled by bicuspid health. If you have a male bulldog that you want to breed there are vets that will help the dog ejaculate so it can breed. I love my doctor but even if he offered that service I would have to pass. The best vet option is that they will offer to put an animal down. Can you imagine your doctor telling you that your rectal itch is inoperable and offer to put you down instead of living with an itchy backside. I have had days I would pay a doctor top dollar to be put to sleep. Human doctors scream about the sanctity of life and will let you live until you and everyone in your family, including the family monkey is dead broke. The vet is your pal he we give you options.

vet far side

where's that vet?

There are some drawbacks to seeing a vet over a human doctor. The vet always asks for a sample of shit. There is no other way to put it. They want you to bring in your pets shit. If you are like me you have more   pet and there is not a dog shit decoder ring. You have to stalk the dog going to the vet to make sure you have their very own recipe of shit. It’s not like one dog has banana shaped shit while the other dogs shit is shaped like Pringles. I am sure Pringle’s is happy to be brought into this shitty discussion. I think Vets got together years ago and had a meeting. They decided  that they would be catch-all doctors but just for fun they wanted to see if their patients would bring shit to them in a bag at every appointment. What if a human doctor asked you for this? Mr. Thornhill bring in one of your prize-winning dookies to your next visit so we can have you turn your head and cough. They want you to turn your head so they can laugh at the fact that you shat in a bag and brought it to them. It’s a small price to pay to shit in a bag but I think my next personal doctors appointment may be with by dog’s vet.

Doctors Smoke




One last rectal comment….



Posted on July 17, 2011, in funny, silly, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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