We Are So Weird
This world has become as lazy as a hot humid summer Sunday. A trip to the local 7-11 says so much about us. At the register sits brownies that make you relax. The idea is the brownies give you the same effect of marijuana brownies. I don’t know if this makes us lazy because we are now too lazy to purchase our own weed and chance going to jail and being Big Jubbah’s new bottom or because we are too lazy to bake. They have drinks that have Bob Marley on the label that give the same effect. I guess the makers of these items are not lazy. They got tired of dodging the Five-O and decided to go as legit as possible. They may not be lazy but the water-heads that by the product are. It’s the same with all of these Five Hour Energy drinks. We are so lazy we want to sleep through the day. We take life so for granted we need drinks to actually keep us awake enough to enjoy life. Maybe if you were not up all night testing the legal pot brownies you would not need to buy the energy shot? If you spent less time buying your highs and lows you could save the money for your retirement where you can experiment all you want at your leisure. When I retire laws will be broken….or not. We focus too much on men’s bangers and franks too. Every other commercial on Nick Jr is a blue pill advertisement. Get it up boys because all the women in your life think about is you getting it up. If you cannot find wood in the forest then do what of grand parents did…..try harder…..no pun intended. I’m sure it is not that simple but I am reasonably positive that millions of men do not need the drug. Maybe the brownies are behind it. There was a time when we cured diseases but now we want to make a man have more volume at the end of his blue pill induced fire work show. We are so misguided. Self centered too. I admit I look like a car wreck and God bless my wife and sister for having to look at me naked (scratch the sister part- just wanna make sure you are paying attention) but I don’t think plastic surgery is the solution. You are beginning to get a few wrinkles my doctor will iron them out. What size boobs would you like? At Paco’s New You Store we have a great choice of artificial intelligence from the circa 2008 Pammy Andersons to the Are You Kidding Me You Could Float To Space On Those Things Specials and for the right price I will cut you open, bruise you up, and take money from your checking account. We will even give you a free brownie on Thursdays. I guess I am just getting old but there was a time when you danced with the date you brought to the dance. You wanna have a high then go to the beach with your family. You will get the adrenaline rush you need telling your kid to not pee on the shoreline for three hours straight and the relaxation you need when you get home, get the child down, and finally get to pass out on the couch. You can also get your kicks taking a leisurely ride down the interstate. There is a guarantee you will want to shoot and kill at least three a person on that drive and that is a rush you can’t buy. Life has plenty of free highs and lows so lay off the brownies, enjoy the ride, and thank the good Lord for the chance to do so. P.S. if you could let me know in a private message if those Blue Pills are all that and a tuna sandwich on rye. Love you all and do not forget to spay and neuter your penguin.