Ashville Park: We Could Be Our Own Country

Take this with a sense of humor!!!


George Carlin once said these are the thoughts that kept me out of the good schools. Just like Georgie Porgie Greatest Comedian Ever Pudding and Pie I too never made it to the good schools for the same reasons. I was walking in the rain yesterday with my family in Williamsburg when the most amazing yet useless idea started clanging around in my vast yet simple head: Ashville Park could sustain itself in case the Zombie Apocalypse were to occur. While the raindrops were falling on my head I began to consider the vast talents and skills that our collective occupations lend our Village. This is a smart village with no idiots, unless you consider, the ones building and try to sell to the unfortunate many that do not know about our Eight Miles of Heaven. 


I hope it never happens but if another neighborhood were to have beef with our small yet mighty neighborhood they would make a huge mistake. Ashville Park has more than one fighter pilot calling it home. Since have more than one pilot we officially have an Ashville Air Force. We are proud of our brave and selfless pilot (no kidding here) and they would never cause harm to anyone they are sworn to protect but lets say another neighborhood wanted to engage us in a game of nanny nanny boo we we might be about to get them to fly some Pungo Crop Dusters over the offending neighborhoods and drop spoiled eggs, cabbage, Celine Dion CD’s on them. Everyone knows that this random concoction of stuff will melt a home down to its frame without causing injury. We are a forgiving village so we would help fix the community foolish enough to challenge us. It is then that they will see our varied talents at work. We will make their homes look better because we have  some awesome architects.  Once the blueprints are laid down we can offer drywall help. If anyone should get injured in their town after listening to the Celine Dion CD’s we unloaded we have a doctor, nurses, and even an apothecary to get them back to health. Our Engineeer will help get their infrastructure back up and running. We will fix their schools and improve them with our teachers and principal who can guide them to better education. We have some law enforcement present and former that will help them to rebuild after the rotten eggs erode their police precincts. 


They are rebuilt and looking good now we will show them how truly dominant we are. Say they decide to build up their morale by trying to challenge  us to a baseball game or field hockey match we have some managers and coaches that have that covered. If they still need some funds to restore their egg and cabbage infested town we even got a guy that can guide them to making a charity event that will rock and roll. We can best our foolish assailants in many other ways too. We have the coolest dogs. Kona and Kai are big and beautiful, Jax rocks a cheerleader outfit and this writers Aussie can out pant any dog anytime. Our kids are the coolest, cutest, muddiest sometimes, and smartest. Do you want to challenge us to a beard growing contest? That would be a bad move Horshack because one look at Bradys magnificent lumberjack beard and you will see that you best not embarrass yourself. We will out BBQ you, out Trick or Treat you, out outdoor movie theater you, and if it comes do a drinking contest outlast you. Did I mention that this is only half of the AP because god knows we have some ample talent from our Wilshire friends. 


We are strong talented and fun. Once we rebuild you we will throw a party you will not forget. We are Ashville Park and like the Wu Tang Clan…..Ashville Park ain’t nothing to F$#% with. We are a place even a zombie would love. Now enjoy your Sunday friends and I hope you took it all tongue firmly in cheek.  


Posted on November 3, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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